A primer on the Southern lifestyle for visiting Northerners:
1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day, so let them cook something they know.
2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. Down South it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.
4. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your bitching.
5. Don't order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended and for goodness sake, don't put sugar in your grits.
6. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. We can tell.
7. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home.
8. We don't play lacrosse, hockey or any of those other sissy ass Northern games, so don't ask about the scores.
9. We know how to speak proper English, we talk this way because we want to and we can. It's like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.
10. Last, but by no means least...DO NOT try to tell us how to barbecue. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. Don't push your luck!
In other news we have snow in Memphis and are expected to get more this evening. It seems to have taken everyone by surprise, including the local weather reporters. Yes, Justin is excited.
Have a great week!
4 comments:
At least you have something in common with the Northerners... snow
I wouldn't think of putting sugar on the grits. If they come with the meal, they're going back with the plate anyway. ;)
I wonder if someone has written a primer for Southerners who get Northern snow? :-D
I like snow, I just don't like driving in it, especially on slick, slippery hillsides.
Brad, so glad to see you back in action.
WE could get in to a BBQ "discussion." I am from eastern NC.
But I have had great BBQ in Memphis.
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